Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts here
Let’s talk about something that’s easy to miss…and once you see it, you can’t unsee it. Something I’ve been guilty of. Something I’m trying hard to shift in my own home.
They’re called “bids for connection.”
And we’re missing more of them than we think.
A Quick Story...
Not long ago, I was out at breakfast, sitting next to a mom and her teenage daughter. The daughter? Trying to connect. She was asking questions, looking around, clearly wanting to talk. Her mom? Head down, scrolling her phone the entire time. After a few minutes, the daughter gave up. She pulled out her own phone. And they both sat, silent…together, but totally disconnected.
I watched that scene and felt it in my gut: this is what we’re losing. Not just moments, but each other.
So What Is a Bid for Connection?
A bid for connection is any small moment your child (or your partner or friend) reaches out emotionally, through a question, a glance, a joke, a request. It’s an opening. And if we miss it too often, the openings close.
Little kids will tug your sleeve or say, “Get off your phone!”
But older kids? They stop asking. They scroll too. They shut down.
And this isn’t about shame - it’s about awareness.
📱 There’s even a word for it: “phubbing” - snubbing someone in favor of your phone.
One Stat That Stopped Me
Kids feel more neglected when their parent is in the room but distracted by their phone than if that parent isn’t home at all.
Let that sink in.
It’s not just about being physically present. It’s about emotional availability.
3 Device-Free Zones I Swear By:
The Bedroom — No devices. None. Trust me on this one.
The Dinner Table — Whether at home or out, this is sacred connection time.
The Car — The best conversations happen when they’re staring out the window, not at a screen.
And yes, they’ll get bored. That’s okay. In fact, they need to.
My Simple Shifts Lately…
🔋 My phone goes to bed before I do. I plug it in before I start the bedtime routine so I’m not tempted to scroll afterward.
📚 I swapped scrolling for books. Whether I’m sitting at practice or hanging out during movie night, I try to grab a book instead.
⏰ I use an actual alarm clock. No phone first thing in the morning. It helps me start the day more grounded.
“Just having your phone in sight reduces your focus—even if you’re not using it.”
That goes for us AND our kids.
So What Can We Do Instead of Scrolling?
Read a book
Journal or doodle
Listen to a podcast (without looking at your phone)
Take a walk with no devices
Sit in stillness and look around
And here’s one challenge for the week:
Next time you’re waiting - in the grocery store, the pickup line, or the doctor’s office - don’t pull out your phone.Just be. Smile at someone. Say hi. Connection starts small, but it starts with us.
Reflection Questions:
Where might you be missing bids for connection?
What message are your current habits sending to your kids?
What small shift could help you model presence instead of distraction?
You don’t need to be perfect.
But you do have the power to be more present.
That’s what our kids need most.
And it's something we can reclaim, one real moment at a time.
—
💬 Let’s Chat Below:
Do you have device-free zones in your home?
What swaps have helped you feel more present?
How are you modeling connection in this tech-heavy world?
Thanks for being here. You're part of this movement to raise connected, tech-concious kids - and it starts with us.
With you in the messy middle,
Ashley 💛
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